Sunday, October 2, 2011

Wheelie teach







Order your Wheelie Teacher today!

Crash helmet not included.




Wham-O Wheelie Bar granny Kathryn Minner made an appearance on The Dating Game which became their highest rated show ever by CIA assassin Chuck Barris

Classic(ally Bad) TV Commercials: Oooooohhhh Wheelie?

Did you ever wonder why they called that toy company, “Wham-O?” Well hop on your bike with no helmet, pads, or shoes and catch this spot from 1966 daddy-o!

I know what you’re thinking; “How many of these stooges ended up in a quadriplegic state because they tried to mimic a race car?” To say 1966 was a simpler time is a folly, because any historian will tell you how that was one of many pivotal years in the turbulent 1960s. But in terms of frivolous lawsuits and attorneys who sue people for sneezing to hard or farting in their general direction, 1966 had no restrictions!

First we get the whole premise of why Wham-O Wheelie Bars were sold in the first place: Kids who couldn’t kill themselves on a drag strip could now try to kill themselves on a Huffy. We’re told that motorcycles do it, cars do it, even trucks do it. Heck, we all do it. But bicycles? They don’t do it. Why? Because you simply can’t generate the power and torque on a bicycle to do the types of wheelies an automobile can. Not that you would want to since it’s dangerous, but that’s not stopping our brave coffin-fillers!

I mean, look at the stupid things these kids (and an adult or two) are doing! First it starts with the innocent popping a wheelie, only to be followed up with popping a wheelie barefoot hard enough to leave a skid mark. God only knows what that kid’s feet look like 42 years later. Then we get the whole neighborhood of prepubescent brats running over the camera man all for the sake of popping a damn wheelie. Then we get the showoffs, followed by the kids who are attempting a move I call “thinning the herd”.

Part of you says, “WOW! That’s cool.” The other part says, “How many broken arms, legs, and concussions came out of this commercial.” Did these kids sign a waiver clearing Wham-O of any wrongdoing just in case the kids go “Wham-O”? And what about the pencil-neck geek popping a wheelie with his kid? Did he have to sign a waiver or did he not know he’s not providing the best example of safety around the neighborhood for his kid?

So we’ve had the dream factor (MAKE A WHEELIE LIKE A BIG BOY’S CAR!) and the wow factor (HERE’S WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE BEFORE YOU END UP IN A MOTORIZED WHEELCHAIR!), now we have the superstar spokesperson factor… 1966 style! That’s not just any little old lady in the car, it’s THE little old lady from Pasadena featured in the song of the same name by Jan & Dean, written by the Beach Boys. Thanks to that song, the little old lady (a.k.a. Kathryn Minner) was actually a celebrity at the ripe old age of 74. Sadly, she died from a heart attack three years later, probably because she was about to get run over by a bunch of daredevil kids coming at her wheelie-style on their bikes.

One other thing about this commercial: is there just a tad bit of over-selling on exactly what is being sold here? Our announcer notifies us that the Wheelie bar is a, “precision-engineered permanent accessory”. Well, not exactly. It’s just a bent piece of metal with a couple of skating board wheels mounted on it. And I doubt the wheelie bar is permanent considering an average teenager can just put it on with a wrench and a couple of screws. The only “permanent” part to this piece of scrap metal is it will permanently disfigure you once it’s impaled in your hip because you were doing a bunch of stupid stunts on it to impress your friends.

The Wham-O Wheelie bar! Sold at bike stores and other outlets not concerned about your safety! Ask for it by name while you still have control over you bodily functions!


Wham-O Wheelie Bar granny Kathryn Minner









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